A Heart That Bleeds Honesty
I’m going to confess this right up front – my writing is not what it once was. Since I began blogging two and a half years ago, my writing has definitely changed, and I don’t believe it has been a good change. I was once able to clearly articulate my thoughts and put them all together and the end result was an article. Now I seem to have resorted to flowery words, and colorful imagery to portray my thoughts – at least that’s what I’ve felt like I’ve been doing. I don’t know when this change occurred but since then I’ve found myself struggling to honestly say what I feel. I only bring this up because what a person writes reflects that person’s heart. If the words are not true, but flowery, then surely the heart is not true either.
One word keeps coming to mind, and that is: hypocrisy. It is defined as an act, or pretense, of having good virtues and character but not actually possessing them. That’s not what I want. I want to be honest. Not only in what I write but in the things I say too. How easy is it to tell someone you’re praying for them? How much harder is it to actually do as you said you would? Oh sure, it’s easy to say we forget. But if we were genuinely concerned or honest, wouldn’t we have written it down, knowing that as mere humans we are apt and quick to forget things?
In my recent reading through the book of Proverbs, I was convicted by chapter 12, verse 22a:
“Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD,” (ESV)
An abomination. That’s nothing to be taken lightly. And try as I might, I can never justify the hypocrisy of my heart. It’s wrong. It’s sin. You may try to argue that King Solomon was talking about lying lips not a lying heart. But doesn’t Jesus tell us that it is not what goes into the body, through the mouth, that defiles a person, but rather what comes out, by way of the lips, since it comes from the heart (Matt. 15:17-19)?
With conviction must come action. I have been graciously forgiven by the Lord; all my sins were on Calvary. Now a change of lifestyle must occur. I desire to write honest words again. I know this won’t be easy, and I’m sure it will be a slow process. Furthermore, I can never do so on my own. But as a Christian, I’ve been promised a Helper, who both convicts and comforts. By God’s strength and grace, I pray that my heart will bleed honesty, and that it will be reflected in every area of my life.
Filed under: Christian Living, Conviction, Forgiven
Kaitlin, are you sure that you are not being too hard on yourself? The reason I ask is that college age students are not often able to articulate clearly what they are thinking. They are getting a lot of ideas thrown at them all the time, and in many different forms. It is a bit like trying to get a drink of water from a fire hydrant. I believe there truly is a difference between saying something unclearly versus being hypocritical. The key here is not so much whether your words and your thoughts match up, but whether the thoughts of the heart are in the right place whether or not you can clearly articulate them. There is such a thing as over-scrupulosity in examining our own hearts. As Robert Murray M’Cheyne once said, “For every one time you look into your own heart, look ten times at Christ.”
I’ve been struggling lately with my writing, too. I want to say something and I know what I want to say, but then I sit down to write it and I tend to take things out that make it feel to personal (to me) and that I am afraid that people would use against me and pretty soon I’ve taken it all apart and it’s not what it should be and then I just give up and don’t write at all. I’ve been around several people who seem to use everything I’ve ever said to them against me. And I’ve also been around people who flatter me for some things I write and tell me I can’t write others. I don’t want any of those people to change what I write or how I interpret what I’ve written when I read it later. I, too, want to be honest when I write and to share everything that is necessary in conveying what I mean to say. I don’t want to constantly worry about what I’ve said being used against me or about people judging me for what I’ve said. Sure, sometimes disagreement is good because it convicts us of what we’ve done wrong — but that’s loving, respectful disagreement. And it’s good for those kinds of responses to affect the way we write or what we write. But if someone trashes what I write I don’t want to stop writing my heart out for God. A pastor at a church I attended a while back said that Jesus walked this earth with His Heart open to us. His Heart was fully open to Love every one of us. Even when He was dying on the Cross and men were insulting Him and crucifying Him He said, “Forgive them.” He Loved us to the point of His Heart being pierced through so that He could Save us, even though we despised Him and were the reason of His sufferings! Recently, I was reading a book that was saying that we need to be soft in heart if we expect to reach the people’s hearts — that a hard heart never reaches anybody. I have been having a hard time with writing lately so I will be sure to remember to pray for you and your writing whenever I pray about my own (which tends to be a lot because it’s sort of my job). May we write for Him alone — as a gift given to please Him. And may He make and keep our hearts soft and honest and pure so that we never change to meet the standards or the desires of this world, or anyone — but Him. May all our writings reveal His Heart to all who read and cause each person to become soft before Him, open to His Love, and to approach Him in the deeply honest and childlike way He longs for His people to.
Amen and God bless you!