Forthright Fixation

I recently came across a great little book from the 1800s, entitled, “How to be a Lady”. It is a sweet book that gives advice to young ladies on how to act and grow in sanctification. A few days ago, I read this advice,

“You must not allow boys to be too familiar; but be modest, and keep them at a respectful distance.”

My first instinct was to blow it off as some legalistic old faction rule. After all, I have a great number of guy friends and often find myself to be the only girl in a group. After more careful examination, however, I realized the importance of the advice given in that line. The author does not prohibit girls from having guy friends but gives a warning in regards to how they act around them. As college aged (or somewhere around that age) girls, we have several duties in respect to how we act around guys.

The first duty deals with the condition of our hearts. Paul, when speaking of the difference between the concerns of a married woman and those of a single woman writes,

“…the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.” 1 Corinthians 7:34

Our first and primary concern must be being holy before God. We must not allow ourselves to be distracted by that which is insignificant to the state of our soul.

It is necessary that the heart of a godly woman is guarded. She must protect it from unwarranted emotion, careless guys, and the gossip of her friends. This is best done by being anxious about the things of the Lord. In many cases, emotion can be stirred. A kind word, a glance, and a good conversation can all give rise to that which may not be appropriate for the given time.

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Song of Solomon 8:4

This admonition, given three times, warns of awakening such affection. I suppose the most difficult part is knowing when the “until it so desires” is at hand. The only way that I can see to identify this is praying for the Lord to reveal it, in his time.

The second duty is taking care to guard one’s actions. While we are attempting to guard our hearts, we must not give a different impression with our actions. Girls are in no way responsible for the emotion that guys may have toward them. Assuming, however, they aren’t attempting to incite this with their words or actions. We must be careful to avoid emotionally charged situations. From past experience, I have found that these are often conversations late at night or times when one person is coming with emotion in regards to another situation. This is not to say that such conversations should be avoided altogether, but extra care must be taken.

Finally, I think it is important to note that guy/girl friendships don’t have to be a relationship of affection. It is possible for good friendships to exist that aren’t heading toward anything else. This is important for the people in the relationship to recognize but perhaps even more important for those around them to understand. So often a good friendship becomes tainted by the teasing of friends.

It is important to remember that God has blessed us with the relationships around us. We must sanctify ourselves and uphold his precepts as we go about them. To the extent that we have fulfilled the aforementioned duties, of guarding our heart and guarding our actions, we need not worry, only trust that God will direct our relationships according to His will.

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